Craving Change

Things are changing and for once I am embracing the shift with open arms.  Normally November is filled with frantic crafting for Christmas, visiting Christmas fairs and drinking Mulled WIne.  This year there doesn't seem to have been time for any of that but that's ok.

This year is all about starting afresh with new traditions and this year I can't to spend Christmas with the people who are most important to me. Yay.

There are changes in other aspects of my life too - shifting perceptions and plans.  I am craving a fresh start, to start over and that desire is spilling over into my creative life too.  For years I have existed under the "Little Tiny Pieces" umbrella and whilst that is important for my business I feel like I need to move away from it a bit - branch out.

My business will of course continue and I have a lot to focus on career-wise at the moment but I feel like on a personal level I want to get back to concentrating on the things I enjoy doing for me.  I want to write for me, craft for me, create for me and I can't do that as LTP.  So I think it might be time to go back to my blogging roots and start afresh.  I'm excited by the prospect of a new identity, a new blank webpage to develop and make my own.  New projects to document, new photos to capture and share.

Thankful

I am a little jealous of my US friends as they get to experience that lovely autumnal holiday, Thanksgiving.  It has such a good sentiment to it - one day a year where everyone stops to consider whatever they have to be thankful for.

I am thankful today.  It has been a tough (understatement) week, during which I almost lost everything that is important to me and so today I want to take time to think about what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for being here, in this moment
I am thankful for the man I have by my side, a man who loves me even when I least deserve it and despite all of my messyness.  A man I simply never want to be without in my life
I am thankful for being a part of this family I have inherited
I am thankful for this new day and the opportunity it gives me to start over.  To forget what has gone before, to change what isn't working
I am thankful for beginning this journey to "finding myself" again, to reconnect with the things that make me tick and rediscover the things I am good at
I am thankful for things finally falling into place, for finally seeing things clearly and in perspective

Current observations

I still get amazed by the way in which we can be transported back into time, just by hearing the faint wisp of a song.  There is a small selection of songs that make up the soundtrack to my life so far and whenever I hear one I am back there - old school discos, driving across the desert in Arizona, revising for uni exams.  All the key phases in my life are defined by some sort of musical theme song.  Each song brings to the surface certain emotions, bubbling up once more.  Some reflect a sadness and melancholy, others suggest hope and excitement.  And then there are the ones that bring me back to a place of complete and utter ridiculous... they remind me of those "did I really do that?!" moments. 

This week, on the wings of Florence and the Machine and Addicted to Love, I travelled back to my early twenties - to walking the 3 miles to work in the early winter sunshine, bouncing along to my iPod and oblivious to the world whizzing past me.  I loved that hour of each day.  I was new to the world of work and still so full of hope and optimism for the life that spread itself out in front of me.  I was invincible.  

Today, older and ever-so-slightly, wiser that optimism is still there - albeit a little tarnished round the edges.  The problem is I need to figure out what to do with it.  10 years ago I knew what I wanted and exactly how I was going to get there (even if it didn't go as smoothly as I hoped), and get there I did.  Now I know what I want but no idea how to achieve it.  

So what was my secret then?  Well as the song says...

I had focus, I had a vision and above all I had a no-one can stop me attitude.  I was told not to move to London, yet I did.  I applied myself, I think that is the difference. I had an idea and then I got on with implementing it, it didn't matter what other people thought about it - if I wanted it I went for it and almost always got it.  

Well here I am, I have a vision.  I am hungry for it.  I don't know how to get there but I will. 

I.can.do.this. 

Home time

I never thought I would say this but I am actually going to miss the doggies when I head back home later today.  They have been a pain with their constant crying in the night but I am pleased with how lovely they have been too.  They are both very affectionate and it has been nice to have them to cuddle up with in the absence of Mr L.  

I am however really looking forward to getting home and spending some time with Mr L before chaos commences with the return of the kids from their holiday.  

One thing I have done this week is to create a new 6 month plan for my business - not a traditional business plan but more of a visioning exercise to help me clarify my goals and stay focused over the coming months.   Lots of things have changed lately and my old plan no longer seems to fit so it's good to have a clear idea of where I am headed.  

Morning calm : some thoughts

After a somewhat restless night with the dogs barking and refusing to settle, it is nice to have a moment of peace.  

Nothing to accompany my thoughts except the faint snoring of a dog and the sound of seagulls flying overhead. It amuses me how that sound used to annoy me so much when I lived here, yet now I like it as it reminds me of the sea.  Another thing I disliked as a child but love as an adult.  

Sometimes I am really compelled to visit the seaside, not for Fish and Chips or an Ice Cream but to walk along the coastline or sit and let my thoughts roll in and out with the tide. There is something so soothing about the motion, which is odd because I am so afraid of the water.  

I'm feeling quite homesick now. It is strange being back here and I miss my home and Mr L.  In some ways hardly anything has changed since I left here 10 years ago and in other ways things are so different.  There is a "greyness" about it all now, bleak is the word I am looking for I think.  I had a happy childhood in this part of the world and yet I am so grateful I managed to "get out".  

Off to do some work whilst things are peaceful and dogs are sleeping! 

Time Out

I am away for the week, dog-sitting for my sister whilst she is on holiday.  I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to it, not only was I a bit uncomfortable with the two large dogs but also with spending a week in the bleak little town on the north-east coast where I grew up. Luckily, my Mum has tagged along to keep me company.

Despite not looking forward to it, I had set my mind on trying to enjoy a week in a different environment, away from the four walls of our office.  I had plans to get lots of work done and take stock.  It doesn't seem to be happening though, it's hard to concentrate with two dogs bounding around.

I'm also missing Mr L, it sounds silly as we have only been apart for a few days but I am missing him being around, his silly jokes (although don't tell him) and curling up on the sofa with him at the end of the day.

New Routine

Last week Mr L and I set ourselves a new challenge (well really it's my challenge but Mr L was being lovely and supportive).  A while back I used to run almost everyday, it was my daily exercise and an opportunity to get outside and clear my head.  I loved running in the morning as it set me up for the day but then an old knee injury took hold and, alas, that was the end of my running routine. 

Since then, I have to be honest and say that exercise dropped off my radar.  Aside from the occasional walk I have been doing very little.  Add into that setting up a new business and some days I am so engrossed in what's happening on my computer screen that I don't leave the house. 

*Hangs head in shame*

Enter the new routine.  It was decided that whilst I can't run, I can walk so that is what I would do each day.  Every morning, before starting work I would get outside and go for a walk and to show his support Mr L would come with me.  Day one of this new routine arrived and at 6.30am off we trotted (in the dark!) for a 5km walk.  As we were nearing the end, the sun had risen and we stopped to watch a flock of Geese come into land at our local wetland.  Lovely start to the day.  

The week continued in a similar way and I managed to clock up 24km in total!  I also had a gym session with a friend which even involved a little light jogging on the treadmill.  Not only I am proud of setting this new routine in motion, I have really been enjoying having the time to get outside, breathe, and clear my head. 

This week I definitely intend to continue, despite the dismal weather forecast, and I hope I will continue to feel inspired and refreshed.